I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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