You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
