just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
