im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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