And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
