Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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