They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
