It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
