Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
