He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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