I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
