I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
