Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
