Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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