i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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