nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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