he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
