Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
