I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize