I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
