Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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