Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
