Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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