i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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