he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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