Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
