need another drink. this is the easiest way
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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