You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
