dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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