The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize