Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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