Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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