It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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