dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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