this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
