barbara walters just said penis...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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