You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize