Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
