someone threw a dead crab at me
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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