I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
