her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
