You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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