"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
