so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
