I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
