Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize