there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
