He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
