Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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