You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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