I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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