I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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