The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize