bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
