What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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