Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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