I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
