every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
