totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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