i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
