On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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