somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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