you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
