If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize